In my garden as I lay
In the middle of a wintry holiday
It so happened that I dreamt a dream
So strange, so weird like sunflowers dipped in cream
Suddenly popped the dream and I sprang up with a start
my special place hurt like it had been riddled by many a dart.
Mother came out calling, “Thank Heavens you idiot, I thought you were dead…
Hadn’t I told you to be careful of those little devils red..?”
I looked at her and then I looked around me;
It was a day as beautiful as can be..
I scratched me balls and rubbed me bum...lo!
marching through my loins was an entire ant kingdom.
Tiny, little ones as red as can be
They garrisoned around my special place biting me Johnny.
I sprang up yelling, I wailed like a barmy
I splashed myself with boiling water to drive away the ant army
Finally did they leave me, exhausted and spent
Little ol’ Johnny hung sad, boiling and bent.
As the twinge blasted sky high, so did my temper
I charged at them with a scooper, you should’ve seen them scamper.
I scooped up one and I scooped ‘em all
I scooped the little bastards and wiped 'em off the wall
I put them in the microwave and turned the heat on
‘pop’ went one and ’pop’ they went all.
They disappeared in thin air like they weren’t there at all
I had avenged those tiny bastards, I had avenged one and all….
My gut hurt from laughter, oh what a show it was
Some butchery I had unleashed, oh what a terrible loss.
Proud and content I retired for the day thinking the battle was won
Little did I know that my Karmic retribution had begun
The next day as I lay in my garden, underneath a tranquil sky
a bee flew in from nowhere and gave me a swollen eye.
In the middle of a wintry holiday
It so happened that I dreamt a dream
So strange, so weird like sunflowers dipped in cream
Suddenly popped the dream and I sprang up with a start
my special place hurt like it had been riddled by many a dart.
Mother came out calling, “Thank Heavens you idiot, I thought you were dead…
Hadn’t I told you to be careful of those little devils red..?”
I looked at her and then I looked around me;
It was a day as beautiful as can be..
I scratched me balls and rubbed me bum...lo!
marching through my loins was an entire ant kingdom.
Tiny, little ones as red as can be
They garrisoned around my special place biting me Johnny.
I sprang up yelling, I wailed like a barmy
I splashed myself with boiling water to drive away the ant army
Finally did they leave me, exhausted and spent
Little ol’ Johnny hung sad, boiling and bent.
As the twinge blasted sky high, so did my temper
I charged at them with a scooper, you should’ve seen them scamper.
I scooped up one and I scooped ‘em all
I scooped the little bastards and wiped 'em off the wall
I put them in the microwave and turned the heat on
‘pop’ went one and ’pop’ they went all.
They disappeared in thin air like they weren’t there at all
I had avenged those tiny bastards, I had avenged one and all….
My gut hurt from laughter, oh what a show it was
Some butchery I had unleashed, oh what a terrible loss.
Proud and content I retired for the day thinking the battle was won
Little did I know that my Karmic retribution had begun
The next day as I lay in my garden, underneath a tranquil sky
a bee flew in from nowhere and gave me a swollen eye.
