Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Origin of the kiss

(In keeping with the spirit of this blog, a few theories on kisses ....)

Had it not been for reptiles the world would not have been kissing today. It would have been barely possible for our reptilian ancestors (if they were at all so) anatomically to kiss the way we humans do now, so back in the days a couple of them might have just licked each other to say 'I love you' or share a particular taste (presumably that of a young reptile) and then VIOLA! it felt so good that from then on all reptiles decided to lick each other not only to share a taste but also to express affection...and then the trend continued centuries thereafter and passed over to apes(if you havent realised by now my idea of evolution comes from Guiness ads) and then finally it came to man, the French man, who devised an ingenious way of somehow involving the lips in the act, therefore giving birth to the expression ‘French Kiss’…later on other people who felt disgusted by the thought of licking each other’s tongues(especially in light of evolvement of foods such as Onions, Garlic, Coffee etc) and exchanging saliva decided to play it safe and kiss with the lips instead.

The flying kiss/lick was attempted back in the Jurassic days when the skies were ruled by ferocious pterodactyls and other flying prehistoric reptiles. One such flying dinosaur ripped off his partner's tongue attempting to express warmth like the land based reptiles, being overcome with grief he decided to come up with an ingeniously innovative method of expressing love without killing, mutating, maiming or dismembering. So he began showing and wagging his tongue to other flying pterodactyls indicating a lick, intended to fly to the receiver.
This became a rage among other flying dinosaurs and it finally came through the centuries to the apes and finally to women who said, ‘Well, at least I don’t have to kiss him!’
The original flying lick is oft employed by humans usually to express a more physical form of affection which indicates that we humans are still very much in touch with our ferocious pterodactylinier ancestors.
And yes, Fatboy Slim was subtly hinting at the origin of the flying kiss in the number ‘Bird of prey’.